No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
