I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
