im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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