ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
