its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
