OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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