I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
