Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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