Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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