Midget sex pt 2 tonight
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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