And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
My ATM looks so different sober.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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