yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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