A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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