sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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