Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
