Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
