I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Welp...herpes.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
