Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
