Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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