i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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