Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
