Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
