you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
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