If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
