3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
