I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
