I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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