I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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