Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
