Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I just found a bag of teeth...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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