Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
