he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
