took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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