just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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