If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
