Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
