he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
