i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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