And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
