I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
