Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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