i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
he fucked my hip out of place.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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