If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
