So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
