At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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