dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
