chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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