I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
