shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
