dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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