yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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