it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
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